The Pandemic Diaries April 10, 2020
It’s Tommy again. Logan forgot to look at the e-mail messages last week, so we’ve got a ton to go through. I printed them and will try to get them up on the screen. This first one is from Carly F. in Albuquerque. There, it’s up on the screen. She wants to know
STATIC, NO AUDIO, NO VIDEO
I think from now on I’ll just read them. Carly, I can’t read this yours out loud. I’ll just say I’m taken, and if Logan and I ever do decide to try a four-way, no animals will be allowed. The next one is from Jorge Q. in New York City. He wants to know what I’m giving Logan for our first anniversary. Well, Jorge, it’s a secret, so I can’t tell you. I will tell you that it will be unwrapped completely, and warm. Very warm. OK, who else do we have? It’s from Poppinseed in Washington, D.C. I know you! Good to hear from you. Yes, folks, it’s that Poppinseed, the man who sat out his first year after graduation rather than play anywhere but Washington. He says his brother came home the day lockdown started in D.C., which is a good thing because Poppinseed can’t leave the apartment except for medical visits and to buy food, and his brother has to help him carry home the groceries. Seems they’ve got the cheerleading squad from an NFL team in the apartment with him and it’s taking lots of groceries.
He attached a picture of his little brother, who’s only six-foot-two standing next to our friend, and looks like a shrimp. He’s got another picture of the living room in the apartment. Ah, I’m gonna need to spend some time in Photoshop pixillating before I can show anybody that photo. We’re doing fine, thanks for asking, and we aren’t bored yet. I’m busier than I was before the lockdown. I’m leading daily exercise sessions for the boys we work with, plus the team, and do at least two massages a day because somebody got bored and stupid. Here’s an example from this past week and a word of warning: don’t try doing pull-ups on your shower bar with your girlfriend upside down holding onto your butt. If he hadn’t lived directly above us, we might never have heard him. As it was, the player – whose name won’t be mentioned – is in the market for a new and less-embarrassed girlfriend.
Last e-mail is from Aunt Kamesha. I promised that we’d explain how two dumb-ass white boys got a black-as-night aunt, and Logan will do that next week. Anyway, she’s wishing us well and wants to know what we want for Christmas. She seems to think that the lockdown is gonna last until then. No chance, it will all be over shortly according to Governor Einstein.
Tree is learning to play the piano during lockdown. There’s a picture of him drawn by building manager’s husband’s teenage daughter from a previous marriage. Probably too much information, hunh? Anyway, he hopes to get good at the piano before the season starts. He’d better hurry.