Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Pandemic Journal September 4, 2020


Sorry about my appearance. I waited until it was too late to get dressed. Logan and I have to wear tuxedos, we’re the groomsmen for Antoine and Maia’s wedding. Mister Jake is going to Skype in and officiate. He studied and got a Divining, or Dining, or some sort of degree, and was confiscated as a minister. He helps out the real minister at the AME Church we all go to.


Aunt Kamisha is going to attend on Skype. So is Coach. I asked Antoine if the NBA Commissioner was going to be there. “After we got locked out of Orlando? What do you think?” Well, there goes my chance to meet the guy.


We got all the details on the wedding yesterday. Logan and I are the ushers, which mostly means keeping the webcam pointed at the couple. Coach is the Best Man. Aunt Kamisha is the Matron of Honor (took her long enough to marry Dr. Gil) and it looks like we’re gonna have some Brideskittens instead of Bridesmaids. Deena had recently adopted two kittens, bobtails, littermates. Moose was a he and was a tuxedo cat. Speaking of tuxedo LOGAN WHEN ARE YOU GONNA BE DONE IRONING MY PANTS?


Anyway, his sister thought her name was Millie until she got home, and Deena taught her that her real name was Autumn. She’s kind of a tabby, combination of browns and oranges. If I liked cats, I would say she was beautiful. I don’t like cats, so she’s the devil’s spawn. They’re going to be the Brideskittens. For all I know, there will be a Vietnamese pot-bellied flower girl.


So, after years of living together – four, I guess it is - they’re getting married. Robert, Antoine’s father, was going to be at Aunt Kamisha’s and Mister Jake would be there too. I guess I should have said that as soon as I told you he was the officious or the celibate, I forget which one they call the person marrying the two. Not as in three people in the marriage. Forget it. They’re in Florida and we’re in Illinois. So, I’ve got a few texts coming in.


We’ve got one from Benjamin in Dual Carolina City. “Do you always wear boxer-briefs?” Not in the shower, and not always in bed. I think that’s the last wardrobe-related question. Here’s one from Melanie in Dayton, Ohio. I was in Dayton once. Not a good memory, given a game we won on a forfeit, trying to find anything in Miami Valley Hospital, and, well, I don’t have fond memories of Dayton. It seems that every year the final selection for the NCAA tournament is made when the 64th and 65th ranked teams meet there and the winner goes on to the Big Dance. We were ranked 65th our freshman year, a miracle, and won, earning a trip to the NCAA tournament. After that, Dual Carolina University was never ranked lower than 25th at the end of the season.


Why was I talking about Dayton? Oh, right, Melanie. “Does Logan wear boxer-briefs?” This is absolutely the last wardrobe question. Yes, but not in the shower and not always in bed. LOGAN, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE . . . There you are. Thanks. You talk to people while I finish getting dressed.


Hi, it’s Logan, the one who cooks and does the ironing. Tommy does the cleaning and the laundry. And that’s as personal as I’m gonna get today. We’ve got a wedding to go to. Have a great day. 


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